The presence and sybolism of animals in psychosis

I found that animals were often included in my psychotic experiences.  The first time was when I was lying in bed looking at the ceiling and I experienced a load of strange things flowing out of my body through my core of my body and out of my head.  I saw the product of this on the ceiling where the spirits of dogs and cats had shot through my body and out onto the ceiling.  I was told subconsciously that I had to be the ‘Guardian of the animals’. All the animals were displeased though as I smoke cigarettes and as they went through my body they got smoke in them.  I was upset because I had hurt them and they’re faces were all disgrumpled and displeased.

Another time I experienced animals was when I started to take my medication, which made me feel like I had horses in my veins.  I felt them as tiny little creatures getting blocked in my veins and sometimes they would kick or bite me.  I had no way of controlling them and it really hurt.  In this hallucination was a race to get into my head, by spirits of other people and animals.  They would try to talk themselves into the top of my head.  I felt like I had the whole world in my head, it was full of strands of string -like stuff that would move about in my head and tickle me or hurt me like roots growing into my brain.  Flowers would borrow into my brain as well.  I don’t really know how to describe it. 

A different time I believed I had dogs in my stomach where they would reside and need to be fed.  I thought that this was the real reason why I was able to remain quite thin in respect to how much I ate.  I needed to feed them by thinking of where they are in my stomach or gut and also they sometimes would be in my toes as well.  However when I ate the animals and things would turn into annoying little spirits and would float around my body where I needed to let them out, but was only able to by opening my head some how.  It was all very surreal. 

I think the symbolism of animals was again a fear thing that I naturally had an affinity for animals and I cared for them more than humans in a way, so it was fear of hurting them or they would hurt me and I felt powerless to hurt them back as they were animals.  Again there was a theme of every one knowing what to do other than me, and I had to learn in a sink or swim type scenario.  I hated the way the rules were never clear and I was always living in fear of being hurt or hurting others.

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~ by epiphany358 on February 27, 2010.